Why 'Just Be Confident' is the Worst Public Speaking Advice (And What to Say Instead)

Picture this: A Year 10 student stands at the front of the classroom, hands shaking, voice barely audible. Their teacher offers what seems like helpful encouragement: "Just be confident! You've got this!"

The student nods, takes a breath, and... still struggles through the presentation with the same shaking hands and quiet voice.

What went wrong?

After training thousands of students in public speaking and working with hundreds of educators, I can tell you: "Just be confident" is possibly the worst (and most common) advice we give young people about presenting.

It's not that confidence doesn't matter. It's that telling someone to "be confident" is like telling someone who's drowning to "just swim better." It identifies the problem without providing any tools to solve it.

And for students already anxious about speaking in front of their peers? It can actually make things worse.

Let's unpack why this advice fails - and more importantly, what actually works.

The Problem with "Just Be Confident"

It Treats Confidence as a Choice

When we tell students to "just be confident," we imply that confidence is something they can simply decide to have, like flipping a switch. But confidence isn't a decision - it's a byproduct.

Confidence comes from:

• Competence (knowing you have skills that work)

• Experience (having done it before successfully)

• Preparation (feeling ready for what's coming)

• Nervous system regulation (being able to manage the physical stress response)

Telling someone to be confident without addressing these foundations is like telling them to build the roof before they've laid the foundation.

It Suggests Their Feelings Are Wrong

When a student is nervous and we respond with "just be confident," what they often hear is: "Your nervousness is inappropriate. You shouldn't feel this way."

But here's the truth: nervousness before public speaking is completely normal and appropriate. Seventy-five per cent of people report fear of public speaking - it's one of the most common fears humans experience.

When we dismiss this fear with "just be confident," we're not helping students manage it. We're teaching them to ignore or suppress what their body is trying to tell them.

It Provides Zero Strategy

Imagine a maths teacher responding to a student struggling with algebra by saying, "Just be good at maths!" We'd recognise immediately that this isn't helpful. The student needs strategies, practice, and scaffolded learning.

Yet we do this all the time with public speaking.

"Just be confident" offers no roadmap. No tools. No techniques. It's the equivalent of saying "just be better" without explaining how.

What Students Actually Need

After working with thousands of young people on their public speaking skills, we've learned that students don't need to be told to be confident. They need to be given the tools that BUILD confidence.

And those tools are surprisingly practical and teachable.

1. Nervous System Regulation (Not Confidence)

Before students can speak confidently, they need to understand what's happening in their bodies when they feel nervous.

That racing heart? Shaking hands? Shallow breathing? That's not weakness - it's their sympathetic nervous system activating in response to perceived threat. Their body is doing exactly what it's designed to do when standing in front of a group feels vulnerable.

What to say instead of "just be confident":

"Let's talk about what's happening in your body right now. That nervous feeling? It's completely normal. Your body is trying to help you by giving you energy. Let's learn how to work with it instead of fighting it."

Practical tools that work:

• Grounding techniques before presenting (feet flat on the floor, noticing 5 things they can see)

• Physiological sigh (deep breath in through nose, second sip of air, long exhale through mouth - this actually shifts the nervous system)

• Reframing the response ("I'm not anxious, I'm energised/ready/alert")

These aren't just feel-good strategies. Research in neuroscience shows that these techniques genuinely help regulate the stress response, allowing the prefrontal cortex - where clear thinking happens - to stay online.

2. Competence Through Skills (Not Confidence)

Students become confident speakers by learning specific, practical skills they can apply. When they know what to do with their hands, how to structure their ideas, and where to look, confidence naturally follows.

What to say instead of "just be confident":

"Let's work on some specific techniques that will make presenting easier. We're going to practice exactly what to do with your body, your voice, and your content."

Practical skills that build competence:

Voice skills:

• Pausing for emphasis (silence is powerful, not awkward)

• Varying pace and volume (monotone vs. dynamic speaking)

• Projecting from the diaphragm (not the throat)

Body language:

• Power poses before presenting (research shows this genuinely affects how we feel)

• Purposeful gestures (what to do with those awkward hands)

• Eye contact strategies (scanning the room, finding friendly faces)

Content structure:

• Clear opening hooks that grab attention

• The "rule of three" for memorable points

• Strong closings that land

When students have these tools in their toolkit, they stop worrying about "being confident" and start focusing on implementing strategies that work.

3. Practice in Safe Environments (Not Pressure)

Confidence comes from successful repetition. But most students don't get enough opportunities to practice public speaking in low-stakes environments before being thrown into high-pressure assessments.

What to say instead of "just be confident":

"Let's practice this multiple times in different ways so your brain learns that this is safe and you can do it."

What this looks like in practice:

• Small group practice before whole-class presentations

• Recording and reviewing themselves (seeing what they actually look like vs. what they fear they look like)

• Presenting the same content multiple times to different audiences

• Breaking presentations into smaller chunks to practice separately

Each successful experience, no matter how small, builds genuine confidence. Because confidence isn't about feeling fearless. It's about knowing you have skills that work, even when you're nervous.

4. Normalise the Nerves (Not Eliminate Them)

Here's something we don't tell students enough: professional speakers still get nervous. Actors get stage fright. Teachers feel butterflies before classes. This doesn't go away completely—and that's actually okay.

What to say instead of "just be confident":

"Even people who speak professionally feel nervous. The difference is that they've learned that nervousness and effectiveness can coexist. You can be nervous AND be a good speaker."

This reframe is huge. It gives students permission to feel what they're feeling while still moving forward. They're not trying to eliminate nerves (impossible). They're learning to present effectively despite them (totally achievable).

The 4C Framework: Our Approach to Building Genuine Confidence

At Youth Engagement Project, we've developed a framework that replaces "just be confident" with something far more useful: the 4C Framework.

Courage (Not Confidence)

We start by acknowledging that speaking in front of others takes courage. We're not asking students to pretend they're not nervous - we're asking them to be brave enough to try anyway. Courage is showing up even when it's uncomfortable. That's what we celebrate first.

Clarity

We teach students how to structure their ideas so they're clear and compelling. When students know their content is organised and makes sense, their anxiety about "what to say" dramatically decreases.

Connection

We help students learn to read the room and connect with their audience. This isn't about being extroverted or charismatic; it's about understanding that speaking is actually a conversation, even if only one person is talking.

Competence

Finally, through repeated practice of specific skills, students develop genuine competence. And competence - real, earned ability - is what creates lasting confidence.

Notice what's missing from this framework? "Just be confident."

Because confidence is the outcome of the other four. It's not the starting point.

What This Looks Like in Schools

When schools bring us in to work with their students, here's what happens:

Before our workshops: Students approach public speaking with a mixture of dread and resignation. They know they "should" be confident but have no idea how to get there. Some shut down. Some power through with shaking hands and racing hearts. Most just want it to be over.

During our workshops: We normalise nervousness. We teach practical techniques. We create safe spaces to practice. We give immediate, specific feedback. We break down the mystique of "good speakers" and show students the skills underneath.

After our workshops: Students have a toolkit. They understand their nervous system. They know what to do with their hands. They have a structure for organising ideas. They've practised in a supportive environment. And yes, they feel more confident. But not because we told them to. Because they've experienced their own competence.

The Research Backing This Approach

This isn't just our opinion - it's backed by research:

• Self-Determination Theory shows that competence is one of three fundamental psychological needs. When students feel competent, motivation and confidence naturally follow.

• Neuroscience research on the stress response confirms that regulation techniques (like controlled breathing) genuinely help manage the physiological anxiety response.

• Growth mindset research demonstrates that skills-based approaches (rather than trait-based language like "be confident") lead to better outcomes and more persistent effort.

When we shift from "just be confident" to teaching actual skills, we're not just being more helpful, we're being more evidence-based.

What Teachers and Schools Can Do Differently

If you're an educator reading this and recognising yourself in the "just be confident" approach, please know: you're not alone, and you weren't taught differently. Most of us weren't trained in how to teach public speaking as a skill rather than an innate talent.

Here's what you can start doing tomorrow:

Instead of: "Just be confident up there!" Try: "I can see you're feeling nervous. That's completely normal. Let's practice the breathing technique we learned. Remember, you know your content and you've practised the structure. You've got the skills for this."

Instead of: "Stop being so nervous!" Try: "Your nervous system is trying to help you right now by giving you energy. Let's use that energy. Take a deep breath, feel your feet on the ground, and remember you've done this before successfully."

Instead of: "You just need to believe in yourself!" Try: "You've prepared well, you know the structure we practised, and you've got specific techniques to use. Let's focus on implementing those skills."

The shift is subtle but powerful. We're moving from telling students how to feel (confident) to giving them tools for what to do (regulate, structure, practice, connect).

An Invitation

If you're reading this and thinking, "my students need this," you're right. They do.

Public speaking is one of the most valuable skills we can give young people. It prepares them for job interviews, university presentations, workplace communication, and civic participation. But it's also one of the skills we teach least explicitly.

At Youth Engagement Project, we specialise in translating the research on nervous system regulation, communication, and skill development into practical, engaging workshops that actually work with young people.

Our student public speaking workshops are designed specifically for secondary school students who need to build genuine competence - and through that competence, real confidence.

We don't just tell students to "be confident." We show them how.

Our workshops include:

• Understanding the nervous system response to public speaking (and how to work with it)

• Practical voice and body language techniques

• Content structuring frameworks

• Safe practice environments with immediate feedback

• Tools students can use immediately in their next presentation

We offer everything from 90-minute intensive sessions to full-day workshops, customised to your students' needs and your school's schedule.

Because every student deserves better advice than "just be confident."

They deserve the tools, strategies, and practice that make confidence possible.

Ready to give your students practical public speaking skills that actually work?

Contact us to discuss how our workshops can support your students this term.

Email: hello@youthengagementproject.com

Let's move beyond "just be confident" and into building genuine competence together.